Last week I wrote that how you describe yourself is a self-fulfilling prophecy.  Deciding what kind of person you want to be is the first step to attaining the health and wellness you are looking for.  This new identity is not a one time change, but a daily habit you build.  This habit will inadvertently lead to changes in many other habits. (Strategy hard at work)*Step # 2 is finding your peeps.

You attract who you are.

If you’re confident, you attract confident people.

If you’re insecure, you attract insecure people.

If you’re adventurous, you attract adventurous people.

If you like to complain, you attract people who like to complain.

If you like to play sports, you attract people who like to play sports.

This is why if you want something to change, you have to start with YOURSELF first.  Once you’ve got your new identity underway (revisiting your new identity and creating small wins to prove the new identity to yourself everyday), you will then want to find similar people.

If you try to be the new you with people who like the old you, you’re in for trouble.

Just becoming this new you will begin to attract new people, but taking a more proactive approach will lead to better and faster results.

You’re looking for 2 sets of people:

#1.) People like you who want to become a similar person/identity (the “new you”) as you.  People who have decided that this identity is a priority and are on the same path as you.

#2.) People who used to be like you (the “old you”) who have already achieved the transformation to the new identity

Both sets of people are just like you, so they understand your unique difficulties and circumstances.  Their path, feedback, and guidance is more relevant to you.

Trying to figure things out on your own is a path filled with many potential failure points.  You need support, guidance, feedback, and accountability from the people around you.

If you only surround yourself with people who don’t want to take on the identity you do, and haven’t become who you want to be, you will feel that pull to be whoever they want to be and who they are now.  You will use all your energy trying to resist them and justify why you want to make changes, and once you feel spent and defeated, you’ll go back to doing what you guys always do.

“You are the average of the five people you spend the most time with.” 

-Jim Rohn

Who are the five people you spend the most time with?

Is there anyone in your group of 5 that fits the description of the two sets of people you’re looking for?

I’m not saying you need to ditch all of your family and friends, but finding just one person who is trying to achieve the same transformation as you’re seeking and one person who has already achieved that transformation will have a significant impact on your journey and your success.

Many of us want to figure things out alone and fail quietly, and only share our journey after we succeed—if we succeed at all.  Failure is connected to success.  They are inextricably linked.  Failure is how we learn.  I wrote last week that many people will lower their standards instead of experiencing the learning/failure which is inevitable on the road to any goal.


It’s not about avoiding failure/learning; it’s about who you fail around.  If you want to fail better, fail around the two sets of people identified above.  Fail around people who are on the same path as you and people who have been there and done it.  They’re not going to shame you—they’ll applaud you, push you, guide you, celebrate with you.

These are your peeps.

Find them.

You can’t live without these people.

And really, why would you want to?

*Strategy is all about asking the right question.  What kind of person you want to be is one of the first questions you need ask and answer on your journey to health and wellness.

Photo: Neal Fowler